Here I am, I have had this music project sitting there for a couple of weeks and every time I have gone to it there has been something else to do that takes my time. Sound familiar. I really want to do it and finish it but something has stopped me. Could it be fear? I choose what to do with my time and not do. The honest truth is that as long as don’t do something I can’t fail and be rejected as not being good enough. How stupid is that! Never succeeding because I never want to fail. Writing it down is my way of telling myself how pointless this view is. I know that if I saw someone else doing the same thing I would want to encourage them to look past the fear of failure to see the possibility of success. So why don’t I do it myself? I have battled with fear all my adult life and when I have failed it is like saying to myself “I told you so”, but when I succeeded I didn’t celebrate I just saw the next battle.
I have been away for a few days with my eldest son to a quiet place where we could talk. As we did I realised that he has some fears about his future. I decided that now I have something bigger than me to work for. When I overcome my fears and celebrate my failures my son will see a better way to live and, hopefully, do the same.
So, I am starting the music project and I will use this blog as a kind of diary as to what works and what doesn’t, whether I get the job of composing for a film or not, all of it. I will celebrate success or failure because I will have overcome myself and shown my son how to overcome fear.
Just as a footnote. I have to say that my e store is not up and running as when we came to test it, my wife was able to buy the item and then there was no page for her to go to download the item. This has been a cause of much frustration and if there is anyone out there with the ability to sort out this problem I would really appreciate HELP. I have failed because I don’t know what to do next and as of this moment I cannot move forward. Please help. I can pay some money if you can solve the problem.